Summer Camp
Well, it is now official, I am going to summer camp.
oy.
Most of this year and last, I loathed the thought of ever having to go on YIM tour or to Summer Camp ever again, and even though I missed everyone while they were away on YIM, I was very relived in the end that I hadn't gone.
It all pretty much stems from my experiences last summer.
On YIM, I had decided to purchace a thing of black nail polish, and proceeded to wear it for most of the tour. Had I known the trouble that would cause, I would never have touched the stuff. You see, the rest of the trip I kept getting bugged about my choice of nail color and even some of the clothes I wore that were a little less, well, colorful. I even had a discussion in the dorms with two of my friends about it, venting a bit of my frustration. Both of my friends acted like they were completly supportive and even said that they liked it. But the next day I overheard a group of girls, including one of the girls I had talked to, talking about me. It wasn't very nice. That went on for most of the rest of tour, and I hated the looks I would get.
After YIM was, of course, Summer Camp, which ended up being a million times worse. My team didn't really like me, and they forgot about me completely on numerous occasions, which is part of the reason I blessed the fact that I had horrible cramps and couldn't participate in the games the second two days. I still recived looks every so often, and now I belive I know why. It also didn't help that I had to share the cabin thing with a certain person, who not only got juice all in the girls half of the cabin, but left the room every time I so much as poked my head in. The adults wern't peachy keen either, or at least a couple of them wern't. I was forced to have a few uncomfortable talks with them, the only thing I ever added to the conversation being "uh huh" and "yeah". It also didn't help that my best friend was being sort of distant and half the time I didn't speak to anyone. Besides, I was also missing a boy from home like crazy and I was worried he would realize that he was making a mistake and that when I got home he would never want to see me again.
To say the least I didn't get anything spiritual from either trip, not that I was actualy trying to. I watched the people around me and I was furious and frustrated. The very people that called themselves Christians were talking bad about me, the very people who called themselves my friends were ignoring me and accusing me of being involved with Wicca, and a couple months of bad looks and whispers behind my back pushed me a bit over the edge.
So much has happend over this past year, it makes my head spin just to think about it. No worries, I'm not going to post any of it, after all, I don't need people to worry about me even more.
But you see why I wouldn't ever want to go to either functions ever again, but then why am I going to summer camp? Good question; I don't really know.
Part of me wants to go just to see if it will be any diffrent from last year, and I pray it is. Part of me also wants to go to prove to everyone that they have nothing to worry about. You see, it turns out, people have actualy been worrying about little ol' me and I have no idea why! I am perfectly fine. While I am a billion times more reserved than I ever used to be, it's due to the fact that I spend most of my free time at home, alone, usually for nine/ten hours ever week day a four/five on the weekends. Not that i'm complaining though. I'm not the best at making conversation and I never know what to do, so i'm glad that I get to stay home and write.
So that is why I am going to summer camp, so that I can hopefully stop people from worrying about me. I don't like it, espically when there is no reason to and they don't tell me about it.
I just hope it will be diffrent from last year. I don't think I would be able to force myself to come another year if this was simply a repeat. I don't exactly feel like crying in the dark on the steps of the boy's side of the cabin again. Besides, it will make being away from the boy that much harder.
oy.
Most of this year and last, I loathed the thought of ever having to go on YIM tour or to Summer Camp ever again, and even though I missed everyone while they were away on YIM, I was very relived in the end that I hadn't gone.
It all pretty much stems from my experiences last summer.
On YIM, I had decided to purchace a thing of black nail polish, and proceeded to wear it for most of the tour. Had I known the trouble that would cause, I would never have touched the stuff. You see, the rest of the trip I kept getting bugged about my choice of nail color and even some of the clothes I wore that were a little less, well, colorful. I even had a discussion in the dorms with two of my friends about it, venting a bit of my frustration. Both of my friends acted like they were completly supportive and even said that they liked it. But the next day I overheard a group of girls, including one of the girls I had talked to, talking about me. It wasn't very nice. That went on for most of the rest of tour, and I hated the looks I would get.
After YIM was, of course, Summer Camp, which ended up being a million times worse. My team didn't really like me, and they forgot about me completely on numerous occasions, which is part of the reason I blessed the fact that I had horrible cramps and couldn't participate in the games the second two days. I still recived looks every so often, and now I belive I know why. It also didn't help that I had to share the cabin thing with a certain person, who not only got juice all in the girls half of the cabin, but left the room every time I so much as poked my head in. The adults wern't peachy keen either, or at least a couple of them wern't. I was forced to have a few uncomfortable talks with them, the only thing I ever added to the conversation being "uh huh" and "yeah". It also didn't help that my best friend was being sort of distant and half the time I didn't speak to anyone. Besides, I was also missing a boy from home like crazy and I was worried he would realize that he was making a mistake and that when I got home he would never want to see me again.
To say the least I didn't get anything spiritual from either trip, not that I was actualy trying to. I watched the people around me and I was furious and frustrated. The very people that called themselves Christians were talking bad about me, the very people who called themselves my friends were ignoring me and accusing me of being involved with Wicca, and a couple months of bad looks and whispers behind my back pushed me a bit over the edge.
So much has happend over this past year, it makes my head spin just to think about it. No worries, I'm not going to post any of it, after all, I don't need people to worry about me even more.
But you see why I wouldn't ever want to go to either functions ever again, but then why am I going to summer camp? Good question; I don't really know.
Part of me wants to go just to see if it will be any diffrent from last year, and I pray it is. Part of me also wants to go to prove to everyone that they have nothing to worry about. You see, it turns out, people have actualy been worrying about little ol' me and I have no idea why! I am perfectly fine. While I am a billion times more reserved than I ever used to be, it's due to the fact that I spend most of my free time at home, alone, usually for nine/ten hours ever week day a four/five on the weekends. Not that i'm complaining though. I'm not the best at making conversation and I never know what to do, so i'm glad that I get to stay home and write.
So that is why I am going to summer camp, so that I can hopefully stop people from worrying about me. I don't like it, espically when there is no reason to and they don't tell me about it.
I just hope it will be diffrent from last year. I don't think I would be able to force myself to come another year if this was simply a repeat. I don't exactly feel like crying in the dark on the steps of the boy's side of the cabin again. Besides, it will make being away from the boy that much harder.
posted by Chrissy at 7:22 PM
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