Heartbreak

Just got back from Winter Retreat not too long ago and my head is spinning. It was awesome and I am so glad I went.

I got an idea for a new book and got the first few pages done last night before I went to bed. It will be my first shot at a religious fiction novel and I'm excited about it. Perhaps this will be the one that I will send off to the publishers.

But, one thing that I wasn't so happy about when it came to winter retreat, was the fact that it brought light to this one relationship that I'm in. I'm not dating anyone, and I haven't been really. But I have been seeing this one boy every so often, the same boy I've been seeing for the past few years. I know it isn't a good relationship for me to be in and the things we do aren't right, but I care about him.

He is the first person to call me beautiful to my face. He is the first one that actualy cares about me. He hasn't used me as far as I know and he likes my little quirks. He makes me feel beautiful and bottom line he makes me feel.

I care about him more than I have ever cared about anyone else. He has always been there for me.

I fought for him, I fought to keep him so hard and now I have to let him go.

I hate what I'm doing, I wish things could be diffrent but I can't do this anymore espically without a commitment.

This is gonna be hell.

Heartbreak, here I come.