There's nothing left

I feel like an empty shell.

Everything that was once in me has been scooped out and dumped into the trash.

I could barley find the strength to get out of bed this morning.

I wish I felt like I did last night. I wish I still felt the pain that was so intense I wanted to scream.

But for now, I'm numb. Just numb. I don't have the strength to act alright, I barley have the strength to breathe.

And you know what the kicker is?

It's all my fault.

I fell in love with him.

I allowed things to happen that never should have.

I gave my heart and parts of myself to him because he gave me the one thing that I wanted most in the world, he told me things that I had longed to hear my entire life.

He acted like a band-aid that covered the void left by my dad's and now it's gone.

I lost my best friend last night.

I cried more than I have in ten years.

I wish I could just wake up and have everything be a dream.

"But it does not do to dwell on dreams, and forget to live."

I'm not naive. I didn't tell him those things last night thinking that in the end, everything would be alright.

But I certainly didn't think they would end up as bad as they did.

I thought that we could still talk and be friends just like we had the last time we stopped.

But now he hates me.

Now he thinks I care for someone else.

I broke his heart and it kills me.

I hate myself for what I did.

I hate him for not understanding.

I hate my heart for falling for him so hard.

I hate the way things turned out.

But I really hate the fact that it was the right thing to do.

The question is, what am I going to do now?