Truly Madly Deeply

You would think that it would be obvious to others when someone was having an increasingly bad day.

You would think it would be obvious that it might not be the best idea to kick that person, make fun of that person, degrade that person, or use them as a personal servent.

You would think that it would be obvious that doing such things might push that person over the edge.

Well then, it seems that people at my school are blind to the obvious.

Everyday, i go to school, hoping and praying that today might be one of those precious few days that i can go home with a smile on my face, and every day i get into the car, thinking that maybe if i changed, if i could just fix the things that were so obviously wrong with me, then maybe my days wouldn't be like that.

The one silver lining to my day, are the six hours i spend on my own, where i don't have to be anything i don't want to be. I don't have to hide my intrests, i dont have to lower my voice, i don't have to change my idea's, i dont have to supress my thoughts and ideas, i can just be me, and no one can make fun of me for it.

That is where i find my Joy, in solitude.

There really is no point to this post, so don't hurt yourself trying to find one.

Oh, and i wanted to post the poem from Truly Madly Deeply. Hope you like it, it made me cry.
Forgive me If you are not living.
If you, beloved,
My love, if you have died,
All the leaves will fall on my breast,
It will rain on my soul all night and all day.
My feet will want to march to where you are sleeping,
and i shall go on living.

Frayed Nerves and Toushie Stories

Well, woke up this morning nerves absolutley frayed from yesterday, not the best of days by any accounts.

School was not the best thing for my nerves to say the least. First period, i go up to turn in my test and trip over Joanna's backpack, and almost landed flat on my face, but i caught myself on Brook's desk thank God. But it is times like thouse, i hate wearing a skirt to school.

Second Period, not much better. It was Chemistry, normally the hightlight of my school day, but Mr. Blackerby was gone and Mrs. Kovach was in his place, oy. Everyone at my table, except for me, started to get their bags messed up and they made a mess and i was flipping out because i got the results all messed up and there was no silver nitrate and it was just not fun. Though it was slightly amusing when J.T. ate that H3SO4 crap thinking it was sugar, reminded me vaguley of Alex Ray when he licked the fish covered in formeldyhide. But by the end of the period, i seriously felt as though i was about to have a panic attack.

Then, third period, bible with Miss Deffinbaugh, did nothing to help.

But after that, my day gradually got better. I got my math done in study hall, my choice of actors wasn't bashed for the millionth time, and i didn't break down crying like yesterday :)

But then i come home, and the thing i have been dreading all freaking year came.

If any of yall know what happend last summer with, erm, well, yeah, well, guess what, it might just happen again. I had the same conversation this afternoon as i had last summer, though, sence i've well, yeah, already, if things start again, then things will start, erm, well, more so than last time. I knew this was going to come up again, i could feel it, but I've been dreading it more than ANYTHING. I'm not strong enough to deal with this, i mean i promised myself i wouldn't but i dont know if i can help it. The right buttons are getting pushed and, well, im melting. Anyway, if any of ya'll know what happend last summer and kinda get the gist of what im trying to convey, please, I NEED HELP!

But once again, my day got so much better, curtosy of Ashley, its great what a story about playing with your butt all day will brighten up your day.